Note To Self - October 21, 2011

(Conversation relating to "Did Jesus Really Die For Our Sins?" - Piatt - Huffington Post October 18, 2011)

Me:

Quoted in the article is, "...the notion of Jesus dying for our sins did not gain traction in the Christian imagination until at least a dozen centuries after Christ's death." The article conflates the idea that somehow Christians' understanding that Christ died for our sin changed because historical Christianity held a moral influence view of atonement, which was supplanted by Anselm's satisfaction theory of atonement in the Middle Ages. Yes Jesus' death on the cross is necessary to the idea of satisfaction, but it's equally essential to moral influence which would be impossible without it. What he's trying to say is that the Bishop of Canterbury "discovered" the doctrine of Christ's sacrifice in the eleventh century! We've understood that Jesus died for our sins from the beginning (1 Corinthians was written 20-ish years after the resurrection).

Chis:

...the Bishop of Canterbury "discovering" things really just fits into the history of the church. Now, before I go any further, let me say that I am no bible history buff or anything like that, so I may be talking out I the side of my mouth here. I have a bit of an issue with the bible itself. Not that it isn't the word of God as told to men, but that the church decided what books/letters/stories we were to be given. What is in the rest of the letters? What is in the Apocrypha? (I could find that out pretty easily). What about all the Pagan customs & traditions that were "adopted" to bring in the unwashed masses?

I think I may have lost the plot for what I was trying to get at to begin with here, but you might be able to find a point in there somewhere.

Me:

As far as the compilation of the Bible is concerned, I don't think people are ever going to be convinced that the result is all of God's word to man as well as His only word to man. Yes there are the Apocrypha and the unincorporated Gospels, but you must consider the quandry facing the men who assembled the Bible. It's very obvious that not all documents and ideas the are attributed to God are genuine. Jeremiah made a living out of contradicting "God's" prophets. And then there's the Gnostic gospels...some truly weird stuff there.

The pagan thing makes me chuckle every time I get to talk about it! I had a conversation with a lady last Christmas who was critical of the white Jesus depiction, and I think my point opened her eyes a little. Imagine that it's just four hours past noon and the sun is already setting because your Gaelic homeland is so far north when you see the men of you village (about 10...maybe) surrounding a travelling stranger. This stranger has come to tell you the story of the Savior of man. If he used a picture to do so, which is not out of the question being a foreign missionary, how do you think his message would be received if he depicted a Middle Eastern Jesus? These people have never, and will never see a person of color! On the Mongolian steppe, would it be out of bounds to depict an Asian Jesus? How about a black Jesus in the Congo? What's interesting about Christianity in this regard is that it is the only religious system that conforms to the cultures in which it finds itself so that the face of Christianity is myriad. You can't say that about Judaism, Islam, or Hinduism. You might say it about Buddhism, but Buddhism really isn't a "religion" per se so much as it's a philosophical worldview.

A Question Of Motive

“’I resolved in my future conduct to redeem the past; and I can say with honesty that my resolve was fruitful of some good. You know how earnestly, in the past months of the last year, I labored to relieve suffering; you know that much was done for others…[But as] I smiled, comparing myself with other men, comparing my active goodwill with the lazy cruelty of their neglect…at the very moment of that vain-glorious thought, a qualm came over me, a horrid nausea and the most dreadful shuddering…I looked down…I was once more Edward Hyde.’

This is a deadly turn of events. For the first time Jekyll becomes Hyde involuntarily, without the potion, and this is the beginning of the end. Unable to control his transformations any longer, Jekyll kills himself. Stevenson’s insight here is, I think, profound. Why would Jekyll become Hyde without the potion? Like so many people, Jekyll knows he’s a sinner, so he tries desperately to cover his sin with great piles of good works. Yet his efforts do not actually shrivel his pride and self-righteousness, they only aggrevate it. They lead him to superiority, self-righteousness, pride and suddenly---look! Jekyll becomes Hyde, not in spite of his goodness, but because of his goodness.”1

So the struggle I’m having, as you discerned from what was not written in my letter, is that I value man’s altruism; our actual instances of really helping each other. However, as a believer, I understand that there is a distinction between man’s acts and God’s acts through men. What Mr. Keller describes in the preceding passage is especially relevant to believers, and particularly to myself, even though secular people either cannot or will not understand the dilemma we face as God’s servants. In the world’s eyes all acts of relief to our fellow men are acts of goodness. Maybe they are. Maybe the good that is accomplished is done for God’s purposes regardless of the motivation. As believers though we are keen to discern the motivation behind our own acts of charity, and assure ourselves that we are acting in God’s will rather than our own. Frankly this fear of self-aggrandizement, I believe, has paralyzed much of American Christianity to the point where secular people of high moral character can justifiably condemn us for our own inaction; our “lazy cruelty”. I also believe that this pervasive ‘laziness’ reveals atrophy in our individual personal relationships with God. There is suffering in the world. Sin has assured that. However, just as sin grieves the Father, suffering must as well being the child of sin. If we were in prayer with God, oneness with His Spirit, I doubt that so many of us would remain idle.

This is where I am today. My relationship with God has grown these last few years to the point where I feel like I am beginning to see His Spirit at work in the world around me. I am beginning to see that there are great opportunities for God’s glory to become manifest in the world around us, and I’m even beginning to feel like He’s inviting me to follow His Spirit to where the work is being done. But I’m not sure. One night this summer while waiting for sleep, I was struck by the fact that Evergreen has fifteen acres of weeds and grass. Then I thought of the subsidized housing project that I pass in Yale every time I go to Stillwater. It occurred to me that there may be a child living there who might not have enough to eat. “Why are we growing weeds and not food?” I asked myself. Then that same week a friend of an internet friend knows a guy at the Food Bank found out that things are looking pretty bleak over there. I immediately thought of fifteen acres. I approached Jerry Voris with the idea, and he told me of his brother’s church in Missouri that does this very same thing. He mentioned that it takes many volunteers, but he did remind me that the Evergreen has a tractor. About this time, I thought that I should broach this topic with Michael and see if it would even be a possibility. Then, to my horror, I realized that maybe I should ask God where He was at on the topic first!

I’ve been praying for two months now for clarity on the issue and each time I’m met with more concerns. “How are you going to find time? What if nobody wants to volunteer? Where will the money for equipment, seed, fertilizer, herbicide, and irrigation come from? How will your wife feel about another commitment? What if nothing grows?” And on and on. Intermingled with this are images of my standing as leader at the head of the people that it would take to make it happen along with the musing of being interviewed by the Tulsa World. These images and questions are at once terrifying and tantalizing and seem to be the creation of my own Mr. Hyde. The Devil first gives me a litany of why I can’t do it then pricks my ego and dares me to push ahead. “You can do it”, he says. “You’ll be great!” no mention of God’s greatness. But when I prayerfully imagine the enterprise as God’s own, He gives me no sense of contradiction. Maybe He’s forcing me to trouble shoot all aspects of the operation in my own mind to ensure that this talent he’s entrusting to me doesn’t get buried. I just don’t know yet.

Steve Jobs’ death culled out of me my desire to be helpful to my fellow man. Jesus practically implores, and maybe even demands me to live this life of service. I’m just really having a hard time getting myself out of the way. You know?

1Timothy Keller, The Reason For God (Dutton, 2008), Chapter 11 “Religion And The Gospel”, p. 176.

• • 
    

An AWANA Story

This morning I woke up having a dream. It was the kind of dream that you begin having in your sleep and find yourself having awoken somewhere in the middle whereafter your brain decides to finish the dream on its own before getting your body out of bed; sort of like that moment when you step off of the moving sidewalk at the airport and you realize a split second later then you should have that you need to start walking in order to keep moving.

In my dream I was standing in the worship center at church during Pastor Gabbert’s sermon, about half way back of the section to the right of center. My first impression was that this was odd. Then I realized that this was one of Michael’s experimental sermons where he gives the microphone to the congregation and has us preach the sermon through our testimonies. In my dream, I was very relieved as I noticed the microphone being conducted in my direction.

I took the microphone from Pastor Mike. At least I think it was Pastor Mike. Either it was Pastor Mike with glasses or Pastor Phil with a beard. Dreams are strange like that. So I took the microphone and began giving my testimony.

“Does anybody else here get the impression that Pastor Gabbert really, really has it together; but that somewhere deep down, way back where nobody can see it, he has the capacity to freak out; and when he does it’s like the mother of all freak outs?” I’m serious, this is how I started my testimony. “Well if you get that impression too, don’t look at him for the next five minutes. You can look at him in six, but don’t look at him for the next five.

“I’m Adrian Martin, and I’m the AWANA Commander.” Having attended AA meetings as a child my mind conjures up somebody saying, “Hi Adrian” to which I give a little chuckle. “I’m the AWANA Commander, but I have to admit, I don’t feel like a good one. I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job reaching these kids. It’s all about the kids, and I feel like there’s got to be somebody in this church who can do this better than me. Basically for that reason I’ve considered resigning my position as AWANA Commander for a while; about a year in fact.

“I didn’t come to this decision lightly or without a lot of prayer. However, ask yourself if you’ve ever found yourself doing this.” Getting into a prayerful posture with my head bowed and eyes closed I began praying into the microphone. “’God, what have you done?,’ like I’m his mom or something. ‘God, you’ve really made a mistake putting me into this position. I’m not any good at it. I don’t know how to motivate people. I don’t know how to really get through to these kids. God, I’m making it up down here. Could you give me a hand? Tell me where to go? What the right thing to do is?’ at which point I do this.” I put the microphone into my front pocket, and with face uplifted to the heavens, I clench my eyes shut and bury my fingers in my ears.

“What’s that God? I’m having trouble hearing you,” I yell at the ceiling without the aid of the microphone. After a few seconds, my posture slackens into a dejected pose as I regain a handle on the mic saying, “I guess he’s not got anything to say to me about this.” So in the absence of a clear reply from God, I move forward, acting on my feelings and my conviction that surely a better man will step up, and inform the Pastor that I don’t want to do this anymore.

“Heh, heh. Now God decides to have a little fun.

“Several weeks ago we held our annual AWANA Grand Prix. It’s a pinewood derby for the kids where we all can get together at the church, have some fun, and give the kids some awards; some of which are pretty silly. My favorite is, ‘The best car that’s shaped like the block of wood that it started out as award.’ The saga of getting the track is another story altogether.

“Anyway we had our AWANA Grand Prix which, like all other extracurricular AWANA events, is designed to bring in moms and dads and brothers and sisters who may have never been to church or at least could stand to hear the Gospel message again. Being that this is the actual point of the event, we sorta need to have a speaker to do the presentation. I think to myself, ‘You know, talking in front of people is not that different than singing in front of people, and besides, all the AWANA events I’ve ever been to have essentially the same message. The presenter goes through some version of the Gospel Wheel, which is a pneumonic device to remember some of the key verses that illuminate the path to salvation, and relates that to a personal experience. No problem.’

“And that’s what I really thought. Even on Monday of that week, I was thinking to myself that I didn’t need to worry about putting anything together. It would just fall into place. That’s some serious faith for a guy with his fingers in his ears! Although I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a better message that I needed to deliver so I didn’t really commit to preparing that first message.

“Thursday night I had a revelation, mind you the Grand Prix is on Saturday morning. God had shown me what I was going to talk about. Although, as I was lying in bed that night thinking about this message, it dawned on me that it was actually more of a sermon. You know, my first sermon ever…no seminary, no training, no nothing. So I did what I’m sure all scared young pastors do before their first sermons; nothing. No prep, no outline, no nothing. I was just going to give this one to God and let him run with it.

“Well Saturday morning after I had gotten all the stuff set up for the Grand Prix I had a panic attack and feverishly made something like an outline for this sermon I was going to deliver. Relieved, I went about conducting the event up to the point where I was to give the message. I got up on the platform and immediately felt like I had walked into the women’s restroom. You need to go to the restroom. You get to the restroom. You are horrified at your mistake and scream to yourself, ‘How am I going to get out of here?’ That was what the realization felt like when I discovered that singing in front of people and speaking in front of people…not the same!

“So I dive into it, and while I’m speaking I look out at the people and notice several things. Every adult in the audience has more life experience than me. So I say to myself, ‘Who am I to be giving insight about life to these people.’ It doesn’t help that one of them is squinting her eyes and furrowing her brow like I’m speaking badly in English like it’s not my first language. Also, and I think this is a universal constant, there’s a segment of the audience that is all kids; sort of like the ‘Youth Section’ in every church I’ve ever been to. And, I think this is a universal constant as well, the level of attention from that direction was somewhat less than sharp.

“All of these thoughts going on behind the thoughts you’re trying to convey does a number on your grammar by the way.

“So I finish. I’m sure I don’t even remember the last half of what I said, but I made it. Time sort of warped by, and we finished up the Grand Prix.

“I was standing off to the side while a couple of our ladies were doing the awards presentations. I didn’t notice that one of the dads had come up to me until he said, ‘Hey, what you said just now, that really meant a lot.’ And he proceeded to tell me about how he’d been out of work for several months, how this had gotten him really down, and that it was having a major negative effect on his marriage. He said that what I had to say had reinvigorated him to pick himself up and carry on again.” At this point I knock on the microphone three times and in my best God voice I say, “Can you hear me now?”

“Now I know that should have been the rapture moment when the heavens opened and the angel choir sang, but it wasn’t. It seemed more like God was just saying, ‘Yes I heard you.’ Now am I the only person that imagines a twinkle in God’s eye when He says things like that?

“A couple of weeks later in Sunday school this same man sits down next to me only now he’s got this big ‘ol grin on his face. ‘You know that Saturday a couple weeks back when you gave that message? Well that next week I got an interview! I started the next week! I’ve only been there,’ and honestly I don’t remember how long he said, but it was less than two weeks. ‘…and it’s been a better experience then the twelve years I just put in at the last place!’” I knock on the microphone again. “Can you hear me now?” I say again in my God voice. “Only this time it was that revelation.”

“What I’ve learned is this, as the AWANA Commander, it is all about the kids, but not really. You see my primary job as leader of this ministry is not to DO the ministry. I’ve been trying to figure out a better way to DO the ministry, and I’ve been frustrated by my ineffectiveness; sometimes to the point of actively disengaging. What I need to be doing is encouraging and invigorating the leaders in our program so that they can better DO the ministry. This does not come naturally to me. I was always the player. I’ve never been the coach, and I don’t really know how do it. Also, I need to be encouraging the church, you guys, so that you can help us DO the ministry too.

“All that starts with my testimony to you that God has trusted me to do this work, I believe he will empower me to do this work, and with His help and your support I am now committed to being the best AWANA Commander that we can have at this church.”

With that, I imagined myself handing the microphone back to Pastor Mike/Phil and got up to go take a shower.

Credo

I believe in God, the father almighty, creator of heaven and earth,
I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, or Lord:
He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, and born of the virgin Mary,
He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried;
He descended to the dead, on the third day he rose again;
He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit
the holy catholic Church
the communion of saints
the forgiveness of sins
the resurrection of the body
and the life everlasting.

AMEN

My Minster

This place represents the sanctuary of my spiritual building; the place where my public conversations with God are held. Here is the place where I will delve into the meanings and significance of those things which I hold sacred; reflect upon the events of my life with an eye toward eternity. Here also is the place where I will examine my discoveries regarding what others hold sacred in the Light of my understanding

If you find yourself here, sit beside me under the towering vault so that we may together, from this small place for a brief time peer together into infinity!